I just had a conversation with a person who was highly annoyed with me for not completing my application (for housing).
Four personal references were asked for. I provided five. There were six lines available for this part of the application and the person says I did not fill it out completely....

Neighbor next door broke her leg. Needless to say, it's very difficult to carry garbage out to the curb on crutches. Someone annoyed with the fact that her garbage sometimes sits in the hall for a few minutes..maybe 30 or so, until her daughter arrives to carry it for her - turns her in for neglecting her garbage. Has this other neighbor offered to carry it out for the one with the broken leg on crutches? Of course not. Do they both complain to me about the other? YES...and they wonder why I'm looking for another place to live.

I'd like a cabin out in the woods...WAY out in the woods.

There was a moth lying on it's back in a little puddle of water on the rim of my bathtub. It was struggling; its' mass of little bug legs wiggling like mad to find something to pull itself upright.
I grabbed some tissue and held it close to the scrambling legs and pulled the moth to safety. He/she had left dust from its wings floating in the puddle. I wondered if it needed that dust to regain flight>
Later, back for another visit to the bathroom, I noticed the moth was not on the square of kleenex anymore. It had also not gone back to the puddle searching for its wing dust.
I awoke today with a moth sitting on my pillow. I'm not positive it is the same moth but I've had the place pretty well closed up and the AC on so it is doubtful more have come in.
Is is a coincidence? Was the moth aware of my unusual human thoughtfulness in giving it another chance at flight and life? It seems almost absurd; but what if? What if those little creatures, all creatures really, are that aware? I was always taught that animals had no feelings...no souls; but I can hardly believe that after everything I've experienced with the critter world.
My cat Pyewacket had a rough night. I have some virus and haven't been able to play with her; but being a cat of ingenuity and creativity, she pulled out her old box of toys from the corner. She hasn't played with those things in many months now. I noticed all the toys strewn across the living room floor...over by her castle (I will be posting photos) there were three toys in a pile. One was the newest toy I bought for her; one was her favorite toy of the month that she has played with consistently for over three weeks; and the third was the first toy I'd ever given her. It was obvious she had picked out these three specifically because she took them to the other side of the room and placed them together. She has a box of at least thirty toys! Why did she choose those three? Especially the favored toy she has had since the beginning of her voyage with me? An unaware being does not "treasure" a thing, and she has always shown preference to the toy, which is nothing fancy...just a small stuffed toy...like a child's teddy bear! It's ragged and torn and it doesn't "do" anything..but she hugs it and tosses it and rubs it on her head with her paws and is visably excited to see it when it's been hidden for some length of time.
I accept that possibly being human, I am reading these things into the situtation. I do subscribe to the scientific mind afterall; at least I appreciate proof when it manifests - I mean with things like reincarnation...there is no proof of it, but I use it as a working theory. I'm not positive this is the way it works..but it seems to make an awful lot of sense and answer some mysteries (like my 3 year old daughter telling me her name was Jenny Kim Coppers and she died in 1914 of a snake bite in florida!)
Shoot...where the heck was I. The awareness of critters...well, coming to the end of this digression, it seems to me that the problem of awareness, or lack there of, lies within myself and not in the supposed ignorance of other life forms.
I'm going to go rub something called "Thieves" on my feet now, which is my neighbors attempt to heal whatever virus I have plaguing me.
Peace out,
Pyewacket

I was sitting in the dark on my porch at 3 am. Human sounds were at a minimum and mainly the night hummed with creepy crawlers and peepers. Occasionally the sky behind the treeline would glow with minute explosions of light from the lightening left behind by the heat of the now past, sultry day.
I thought about H.H. (His Holiness) the Dalai Lama and how he was just rising as I was closing down my brain for the day. I thought about how disciplined one would have to be to get up every morning at 3 am. to meditate and pray for the world. Sometimes I ask myself, why does he care so much? And sometimes I wonder why don't I care that much. Or do I and I'm just afraid...lazy?
As the damp night flowed on towards dawn and I watched the top branches of the trees bobbing gently in the heavy air, I had this curious and familiar feeling. Faces in the leaves in the pre-dawn light took on visions of gods and goddesses; forever imprisoned within the spirits of nature, never again to reign above humankind. I could see the same designs growing in the tangled branches across the yard as I have seen in ancient Hindu art. Flowing boughs of shimmering leaves became the headdresses of Krishna and Bhuvaneshwari and I, for one brief nano-second, was the one mind of the universe.
Some people refer to these experiences as flashbacks; but I prefer to think of them as the way I learned to view the world after emerging from the 60's. Was it a tripped out thought, or in that fractional moment of realization, could I really have walked up to the occular perception of reality before me and punched my finger through it? Was the scene before me just a screen of perception? Truly, an illusion we must one day see beyond?
I imagined light pouring through the gap, just like it does in the movies; and how I would tear open a piece large enough to fit my body through. At that moment, the future would be totally up to me. What lay beyond the backdropped curtain of grass and trees and sky could be - completely up to me...my own reality. Of course, I might've already done that, and that's exactly where I am now...frightening that I would create such chaos. Maybe that's what we do. And maybe that's why H.H. the D.L. starts his day with several hours of prayer...to insure that he creates something better than chaos. It's rather frightening to think I might have to get to work here and bring what is without form and discipline to a next level. I know I'm unprepared...I'm an American for goddsake. I've been having a great time; well, comparatively. I mean, I've got a home. I eat food everyday. I have running water, electricity, a computer! And a magic mommy box to free my mind of anxiety whenever I need it. I never really have to deal with reality; and no one has ever dropped bombs on me; yet I spend a good amount of my time fretting, worrying and feeling guilty because: I should be doing something. Maybe that's what I need to be doing....spending several hours a day meditating and praying for my planet.
(Anti-thought blurts out rudely in my brain..."the Tibetans took up arms and defended themselves against the Chinese! It's not all about meditation and prayer, y'know!" Anti-thought does make some good points. And the confusion continues.)
It occurs to me that is why H.H....the D.L. (this is getting monotonous, I'll just call him H.H. from now on) but that seems to be the point of his ritual morning prayers and meditation - exactly to rid himself of that confusion. Hmmm..
It's no secret I don't catch on quickly. I've always thought I was intelligent, just dense as hell. Eventually do I do figure it out..and "get it"...I just have to be beaten with it for several long years and knock myself in the head a few times...and then the light goes on; mid-twentieth century wiring, useless for todays light speed technology.
These are the musings of a mad woman for star date 20-0-6-8-26

I am very new to this blog thing; but I've been reading what others have written. Wow. I'm sitting here in a huge dish of admiration for the courage shown in these pages. I so want to express my truth; but for fear of ridicule and rejection I mold my words for maximum appeal. I don't want to do that. I think we are a society of wounded souls....so much pain, so much desire to heal. There are times when I find it difficult to feel compassion for the human race; but not here. Here I find my heart oozing with love for those whose thoughts become words become vibration that infiltrates my soul and reflects my self. I feel all these things too! Never knowing as I pass each face in a line that within them beats the same heart I feel yearning in my soul. We are together...and we are one...no matter how far apart it feels. I wish to transmit a cyber hug to everyone...including those who's opinion is opposite of mine. I am humbled by your truths. Please don't stop being you...and writing it. I embrace it all even with my fear. Damn my fear. Fear is the mindkiller. I will face my fear and stand strong before it and in my stead it will wither and disperse. And when the mist evaporates, I will tell you I love you, no matter what. And I will be here, fighting for us...fighting for life...for freedom because now I see who you are. Thank you...thank you ALL for illuminating my soul. (Once again the Dalai Lama was right...)(I'd also like to thank Frank Herbert for supplying me with the litany against fear)

First of all, am I mad or crazy? Both. I'm crazy no doubt...but then from what I've seen, I don't think I'm alone in this rubber room. As a matter of fact, I'm not at all sure that our planet isn't the psych ward of the galaxy and this is were they send all the wackos. No offense..but I've been looking for evidence of sanity, and the only place I see it is in H.H. the Dalai Lama. He may very well be the doctor in charge here.

Second of all I'm mad in the angry sense because I have this naive belief in life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; which at this point appears to be all but lost except to the rich. Things are not just, they are not fair and they are not equal. I've been told I'm childish to expect such things. Ok...so I'm childish, and I will continue to be so if that's what it takes to protect those values I thought we all held so dearly.

I don't believe in killing. To that end, I even remove bugs in my home to the outdoors (except flies which I smack at every opportunity, however, there is some amount of guilt involved even with that.) I can't watch violent movies without having nightmares. But here's the problem: I'm so angry at what I see happening in this world that I feel like I want to be violent sometimes and that really bothers me. I have always believed that picking up a weapon is no way to solve problems, but how does a person protect their freedom? I've written ten thousand letters and emails to those in positions of power; I've voted in just about every election since I turned 18 in 1968. I've volunteered my time and energy to my community and I've always worked hard and tried to be honest. I've tried to do everything I was taught a good American does. It couldn't have been enough though, or we wouldn't be in this mess we've got now.

I feel like I've got to do SOMETHING, but I'll be damned if I know what to do. It's like being on the Titanic, except our captain has no intention of going down with the ship...he's got a big plane to take him away from the firestorm he's creating.

I have always walked the path of peace. I have truly believed that love was the healer of all ills and sought to practice that every moment in my life; but I can't see that's it been enough and I wonder, must I be a soldier? Must I physically fight to defend the principles of this nation? And who is it I have to fight??? None of it makes any damn sense to me anymore and I don't know what to do or even what to think! So...if you are reading this and you have any ideas...please bring 'em on. I'm tired of being afraid to say what's on my mind..tired of being told I don't belong in this country because I believe in peace...tired of watching the people I love suffer and die.

In the words of some great philosopher who's name I don't even know:
"Ain't nobody free until everybody's free".

And one last thought...I've been called a liberal..which in today's climate seems to be equal to treason; but it is my feeling that at very least we on this planet should make sure EVERYONE has food. Personally...living in a world where people don't care if those guys over there starve (not to even mention being blown up)...is not the kind of world that feels like home to me, and that's why I'm mad.