I was thinking last night as I went to sleep, about writing a book describing all the "miracles" that I have experienced in my life. Truly, I experience miracles every single day. I'm not talking about huge, ultra phenomenal occurances like have happened at places like Lourdes; I'm talking about little pieces of life that happen so quickly, most people don't realize it's miraculous. Let me give you an example of yesterday's miracle.
I was on my porch, watering my plants. (There is a picture of my tiny queendom in my gallery). Anyway, I'm standing there pouring water into hanging planters and a hummingbird came hovering up. I have a feeder and they have been draining it quickly these past few days. I suspect they are preparing for their trek south. But this little girl...buzzed up infront of my face..about 12 inches from my nose, and just hovered there, looking at me. I couldn't believe it and I knew that if she realized I was a human, she'd split lickedty quick. After peering at me for seconds..she buzzed up to the feeder and drank her fill. The miracle is..she didn't leave. She buzzed back down and hovered in front of my face again..almost as if she were thanking me for the food. To me...this kind of thing is totally amazing. This is not my first peaceful encounter with hummingbirds. One became trapped on our front porch several years ago. It was a tall porch with windows near the bottom. She was up in the rafters panicking...and I was terrified she was going to hit the roof so hard she would injure herself. Finally I got a step ladder, and from that, climbed up on the plant shelves my partner had built for me. I stood as tall as I could and just held out my hand to her. I must have coaxed her gently for close to a half hour and I could see she was becoming exhausted. Finally I moved my palm right under her and said, "Please let me help you". She landed. I couldn't believe it - I was holding a hummingbird in my hand. I slowly began the climb down, fearing any jostle would send her airborn again, but she sat there calmly. I finally reached the entranceway and held my hand out into the air. She just sat in my palm, her two shiney little black eys focused on mine. My heart was racing and tears were falling down my face like a summer rain. I was overcome that this tiny creature was trusting me and allowing herself to be held by a human. Finally, after drinking each other up with our eyes, I gave her a little upward push and off she went...but not too far. She lit on a nearby branch and continued to look at me. I don't know how long I stood there locking eyes with her, but I felt as if God him/herself was standing between us with a big smile.
Holding that miniature critter was one of the most incredible moments of my life...feeling that trusted filled up my soul til foam was coming out my ears!
What I've learned...and I learned it the hard way, believe me; is that every moment we are alive, God is trying to communicate with us. Every single thing that happens to us is that...we just aren't paying attention. The trick is to train yourself to listen and watch very deeply. Don't just see what happens infront of you, let it into your soul, because that's the only place we can really hear the voice of the Divine. Literally everything on earth is evidence of a higher consciousness, but the only way to perceive it is to be vulnerable..open, hopeful and with the innocence of a child. If you can't believe it's possible in the first place, chances are you won't notice even if it kicks you in the butt. It is scary. It is frigtening to allow ones'self to be that accessable and there is always a possibility that you will get hurt being that open...but over time those hurts and pains grow into wisdom and the ability to get something good out of every occurance you connect with.
That may sound easier to do than it actually is; but it's worth it. As one purifies their own being of negativity and allows the possibility of goodness to come in, more goodness comes in! And this is a question I have always asked myself: if I calm the chaos within me, will the chaos outside of me subside? I believe I can now answer that question with a resounding yes. If I can influence my own small space in that way by being calm, imagine what this planet would be if every person on it did the same thing!
If I am tense and uptight, I am unable to perceive the good things around me and make things that shouldn't be difficult..so. However, if I remain centered and relaxed, I not only perceive the goodness, but am capable of producing my own...and, if something negative does enter my space, I am far more able to deal with the problem effectively.
I hope, if you are reading this, that it will give you hope. Living without it is not living...so please, if you are feeling alone and hopeless, trust me...just a little and look around for a miracle. It may take awhile before your eyes get accustomed..but I feel I can promise you that your miracle will come...mine did, and never stopped!

Not too long ago, I decided to find a site where I could write a free blog. I wasn't even exactly sure what a blog was, but I wanted one. By the magic of google, I landed here in the stream.
I wrote my first entry, not knowing what to expect. Shortly after posting I received comments from other bloggers. I was surprised! I started reading other blogs and realized I had entered a special place. I was overcome with compassion, respect, inspiration, motivation and a sense of belonging. What the heck...the people here seem to care?? What a new concept...I've been so use to being ignored.
Then one night while feeling kind of isolated, I decided to enter the chat room. I was immediately greeted by the entire room - I was dumbfounded. How many times had I surfed the yahoo chat rooms for a hint of humanity..only rarely encountering a real human being between the offers of free sex, nude cams and promises of making a million dollars in the next hour. And here was an entire room of real people!
Happily chatting away, oblivious of the birds beginning to chatter outside, I spent my first full night in blogstream chat. What a wonderful and much needed miracle of internet synchronicity!
I've been pretty much a daily resident of the chatrooms now and I feel like I've found a comfy little nest in the middle of cyberspace. Everyone I've encountered there, young and old, liberal and conservative, happy and sad..all are kind and sweet and respectful. This is restoring my faith in humankind! I was beginning to feel like a total stranger in a strange land...no one smiling, no one making eye contact...no one offering kindness for free...and then I met y'all.
Thank you. You and me...and all of us are doing something I think is very special here. Treating each other like people in the middle of a jungle...opening up our hearts and minds to others, perhaps with some fear, but with hope! That's all we can really do..take the chance - take the chance on sharing and caring. As Martha would say..it's a good thing. And putting her in jail was not!! But I don't want to get political right now..so ignore that.
I just want you all to know how much I appreciate what you are doing. You inspire me to dig deeper into myself; to ask more questions and to grow. I like that. As long as there is water here for my roots, I'll be around..and I will look forward to meeting more of you streamers in the future.
Keep on writing...keep on sharing...keep on being you! The universe might be inconceivably huge..but you are the only one in it that's just like you.
Peace and Love,
Pyewacket

Today was not a good day. I woke up to find my entire email account had dissolved into cyber space. I was able to get the account back up and running, but lost all my saved stuff; which was predominantly all the emails my son has sent me since he went overseas four years ago. I was planning on putting them altogether in a book..so much for that plan. In the future, I will remember to save stuff that's important..to my hard drive..and on disk. ARGH.
Nothing major bad really happened today..just a string of little, insignificant mind boggles that taken individually, add up to nothing. Added together and compiled into one 8 hour period of time and you have me raving like a lunatic. My neighbor noticed the blue smoke coming out around my door frame and hollered "You okay Susa?". Sighly deeply and ending my ill semantic tyrade, I replied sheepishly..."peachy". Ara is a good friend...she tries to hug me when she thinks I need it, but when I'm angry is not a good time. I bless her for trying, and for not being offended when I back away.
I really don't like being mad, but it seems to be part of my essential being. I don't just get mad, I become indignant, arrogant and self-righteous. Everyone is wrong except me...when of course the entire problem lies at the bottom of my own feet. I attack the world for being stupid and rant on all the bad people who are doing me wrong even though they don't know me - or I them, for that matter.
This is time consuming and energy draining..why do I do it? What possible purpose could it have...
Of course, when it comes to really expressing my anger in situations where it is warranted, I become tongue-tied and emotionally frozen. Instead of making my desires known, or explaining why I'm upset, I just seem to make a bad situation worse and the other party or parties wander off wondering why I'm so crazy! double argh.
Exasperation is the name of my today. So..I put on tunes..New Radicals (Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too) and Zero Seven. I cleaned, screamed and steamed, but now I do feel better. Thanks for listening..whoever you are.

You better love loving and you better behave
You better love loving and you better behave
Woman in chains, woman in chains

Calls her man the great white hope
Says she's fine, she'll always cope, ooh
Woman in chains, woman in chains

Well, I feel lying and waiting is a poor man's deal (A poor man's deal)
And I feel hopelessly weighed down by your eyes of steel
(Your eyes of steel)
Well, It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains, woh woh woh
Woman in chains, woman in chains

Trades her soul as skin and bones
(You better love loving and you better behave)
Sells the only thing she owns
(You better love loving and you better behave) ooh ooh
Woman in chains (the sun and the moon), woman in chains

Men of stone, men of stone, hey baby, no no no, ooh

Well, I feel deep in your heart there are wounds time can't heal
(The time can't heal)
And I feel somebody somewhere is trying to breathe
Well, you know what I mean
It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains

It's under my skin but out of my hands
I'll tear it apart (somebody somewhere is trying)
But I won't understand (to breathe)
I will not accept the greatness of man
It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains
Gone crazy keeps woman in chains

So free her, so free her, so free her
So free her, so free her (the sun and the moon)
So free (the wind and the rain) her, so free her
So free her, so free her, so free her, so free her
So free her, so free her (the sun and the moon)
So free (the wind and the rain) her, so free her

Thank you Tears for Fears