"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? There is nothing enlightened abuot shrinking back so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do...as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

"...and we all shine on...like the sun and the moon and the stars...and we all shine on...on and on and on..."
John Lennon

A photo of me shining on in 1952...

This is the view from the back of the building where I live.

Of course Billy's sisters are the only people in the world who are allowed to call him Billy...he prefers Bill, or Wild Bill as many of his friends and associates know him!
My brother has always walked a hair on the wild side. His passion for living has allowed him to take chances that I suppose many people would not take. I don't mean chances where he invites danger so much, although he did take a dive in the sky on his daughter's 21st birthday with her. He creates opportunities for himself that I would guess most people never see. At 8 years old he discovered he could make a lot of money selling his Halloween candy at school. The boy cleaned up. At 11 or 12, he got brought home by the park police on a number of occasions for diving into the pond on the golf course and selling golf balls back to the golfers.
Bill is also a high school drop-out who married his pregnant girlfriend at a very young age. He went to work in the steel mills of Buffalo at 17 in order to support his family; work he was never really cut out to do as he is a man of small stature. Succeed he did though and became a highly qualified steel cutter.
His life long dream was to write comedy and in a daring move to attain his goals, interviewed for a job with a radio station selling air time and writing commercials parttime so he could continue working at the mill as well. The intelligent man that hired him at that time truly was visionary in that he hired a kid with no education or experience to do this very complex job. He exceled, as he always does and his talent has taken him far. He is now a 20 year veteran of radio and presently a top dollar seller at the station he works for. He has written many extremely funny commercials over the years and made a lot of money for the people he's worked for..and himself.
Corporate control of his field has taken it's toll though, and Bill is ready for a change. I don't know what direction he will take, but I know he will be good at it.
As my brother, he has always inspired me with his will and motivation to attain his goals. Bill has a never-give-up attitude and lion-sized drive held within a pussy cat demeanor. I use the cat as my metaphor because Bill is a Leo. He is loyal to a fault...literally, and has provided more moments of gut-aching laughter than the rest of us put together. Sometimes his humor is subtle...like softly singing during a card game. One hears the tune for the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, but Bill's words sing about the wreck of the Ella Fitzgerald. During his visit last year, the story he was telling us became so animated that when he actually took a dive and fell on his head, we all laughed heartily thinking it was part of his performance! Oh..poor Bill
But truly, that is the length he will go to for comedy!
Whatever the chapter in his life, Billy has approached it with enthusiasm, positivity and finesse. As a high school drop-out he has attained a level of career and material success that many college educated people wouldn't even dream of. As a teenage father he succeeded in raising two incredibly wonderful girls who are a credit to their generation and highly successful in their chosen fields. As a husband he has maintained a level of loyalty and committment I can hardly fathom; for he continues to love and support his teenage sweetheart even though she left him over 10 years ago to strike out on her own. That is a very long story in itself but suffice it to say that she can still count on him to be there when she needs him and that's almost unheard of.
Billy doesn't consider himself generous; yet he has continually given to me deeply from his heart and soul and has always spoken the truth.
Billy doesn't consider himself empathic, yet his immediate sensing of unease in someone else belies that assumption.
Bill considers himself a man of inflated ego and selfish desire, yet his thoughts are always about the other people in his life and his tears are never for himself.
He is a humble man, with a large and comical heart, full of love and concern for humanity at large. I sure love my brother...he's a good man.

I just want to say thanks to all the sweet peeps who wrote and commented on my recent posts.
Your concern and caring means so much to me.
My brother Bill, whom I will write about shortly; is coming for a quick visit this week. Consequently I'm cleaning, shopping and cooking for his arrival...I just wanted everyone to know that I'm thinking about y'all and miss you too! As soon as life calms down again, I'll be back. In the meantime, here is a photo for you of my brother Bill in Belize.

I dream all the time. I've always had intense and colorful dreams. Last night, well, this afternoon..I slept until 2pm today - but upon waking recalled two parts of a dream.
One part I walked up to a very tall and young John Cleese and hugged him. He had to bend way over to hug me back; but it lasted a long time and was warm and comforting. I told him that was about the nicest hug I'd ever had and told him I'd always wanted to meet him as I walked away. I noticed there were tears in his eyes as I left and thought he was just very moved that a fan felt so deeply about him.

Later in the dream I was in a public building...maybe a school or some kind of institution. I was walking through a large kitchen outfitted with lots of stainless steel equipment. No one was there and no food was evident. The place was quite pristinely clean. Suddenly I spied an animal wandering through the kitchen. I didn't quite know what to think and just then a young girl, who apparently lived there or attended the institution, walked in, smiled and gently shooed the animal out. She said something about them always coming in. In retrospect and in re=picturing the animal I realize I have never seen anything like it. It was white..about the size of a goat but had a long neck and a "puff" of white hair on top of its head. It was like a combination of five or six different animals and unlike anything that really exists - that I'm aware of. It was similar to a llama, but not a llama. It had the fairy tale feeling about it that one might suppose a unicorn to have.

So what does inventing new species in your dreams mean??
This is one of those dreams that was so intense that, even though I remember only small bits of it, it will nudge me throughout the day with little snip-its and cause my mind to indulge in faraway contemplation. These kinds of dreams really make me question the info my little lump of gray matter is trying to communicate to me.
I have to confess, my dreams are so interesting that sleeping is every bit as enthralling as waking life...in some ways, even more. That was some hug I shared with John Cleese and I think I'd be happy to feel that way during any hug in reality! Hugging is actually kind of difficult for me. I want to hug and I do..but I can always feel myself holding back and the fear that prevents me from changing it. I think this must originate with my parents. My mothers hugs were always quick and light...hardly a hug at all and always initiated by me. I always felt she didn't have enough time to hug me.
I wouldn't even try to hug my father because he always tried to make it sexual. That just grossed me out so bad...yuck!!! What was that man thinking...what universe did he exist in? It surely wasn't the one I was growing up in. Anyway...I'd like to feel like I did in my dream whenever I hug someone...it was a true communication of genuine love and affection. Gotta work on that.