Alright George Whitethunder, or Tsiron Cu Boukoleon or Keech, or whatever your names are, what are you doing in my head?? Why do you keep waking me up every night with a new face on and in a different part of history? Why are you chasing me around my dreams? I don't understand what you want!
You've got my attention...you've got my focus...you've got my sleep, why do you keep coming around every single night? Sometimes I think I feel you so close..almost as if your breathe was on my neck but I know how gone I'd have to be to even think that. Just because I know you - you don't have any idea...not a clue, or a hint or a vapor; do you? Can you feel it when I surround you with light? How could you know that I wish you life that is a constant loving embrace...that I feel your sighs and whispers..that I remember the same heart beating..that I'd rather never even feel the brush of your body next to mine passing one day in a crowd than to cause you one moment of fear or pain. How could I want for anything more than a smile to grace your face when there is no actual reason for it..only because your soul is content.

Ah Keechers, I miss ya so much...I sure do hope you're good.

Haven't been with my ex in..four years now? And I'm not quite sure how many of those four it took for him to realize I was gone...not that we haven't remained friends. No sense in carrying hurt and anger around. But this man has not paid a bit of attention to me in fifteen years...except to tell me what he's doing or done or bought, or fixed, or broken..or whatever...and then out of the blue today, he stands up in front of me and acts like he's going to kiss me. Jesus Murphy and Grace, I didn't know whether to run or call for a priest. Luckily he was in his usual state of 4.5 sheets to the wind, so I quickly averted his advances by offering him another beer. It was about then that Pyewacket jumped upon the balanced glass top table, which was apparently not balanced and whoosh...there went everything...cat, tabletop, bottle of red wine, always fashionable on beige carpet, scrabble game, nice touch...ash try full of butts because 75% of my visitors today smoked. Yes..it was a chaotic and disgusting sight, but one that saved me from further romantic interludes with a man whose only romance has been with Old Milwaukee for as long as I care to remember.

He wanted to kiss me...HE wants to kiss me. Boy are signals getting scrambled up there somewhere. I put that order in YEARS ago. I gave up waitin on that one. I got a whole NEW order in now..and what do I get. I hate to say this...but whoever is in charge of the next world..ain't doin any better than who's in charge of this one. Mark my words..heaven is not going to be a trip to paradise...

What did I do today? Nothin. I started thinkin about things, but then I thought better of it and went to sleep instead. It's January in New York. Outside, everything is either dead or sleeping. Since I'm not dead yet, I should take the hint and hit the pillow. At least that's how it seems to me. What could I possibly know that millions of years of nature doesn't? I feel sleepy...when I'm awake I don't seem to be very cognizant of stuff going on around me...and when I'm walking, my legs feel like I'm forcing them to do something they don't want to do. There's no sunshine; nothing is green and everything is a monotone of grayscale. The world is lulling me to sleep and I think it's totally arrogant of me to argue with it. Therefore it is with great pleasure and several gaping yawns, that I bid you adieu (to yieu and yieu and yieu)
Sweet dreams all~ (I hope)(break a leg) can you say that to someone for good dreams? oh well..see yas tamarra.
sleepy pye

Some people cannot stand drama. I happen to be one of them so when I started becoming all dramatic with myself and going through all these histrionics, I was really put off with me. I started trying to avoid myself..not speaking to me when I'd pass myself in the hall..it was a nightmare. Every time I'd be alone with myself there was all this moaning and groaning and crying..."what the hell?" I kept saying. It seems I was being a little to hard on me, cause then I'd get all bent out of shape and run out of the room and refuse to talk about it anymore. It was really becoming a problem.

Finally I just got the nerve to confront myself and find out once and for all what the damn problem was! I stood there, looking forlorn...not wanting to make eye contact, until finally the truth came choking out, "we're in love."
"WHAT?" I became incensed...incredulous...incomprehensible as I started pacing around the room more anxiously by the minute. "Love? What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.
I looked over at myself standing there meekly. I looked so small, so defenseless.
"you know" I sort of whispered, "l-o-v-e"
"Oh god, I think I'm gonna hurl" I whined, holding my gut and feeling my head spin. Love? Oh no...certainly I had this all wrong. There was no love to this..it was just a friendship...an interesting person..a nice fella with dark eyes that swallowed me up like a OH MY GOD...a friend with a sweet smile and full lips that....
no no no..something is wrong here..I am not thinking about lips.
damn, I am thinking about lips..his lips. This is NOT RIGHT. Why am I thinking about lips and eyes and arms and every minute detail of his entire being...
gulp.
I'm in love.
And don't go getting all excited and happy and thinking how great it is. It isn't. Its awful. It's the worst thing that could happen. It just can't be..never ever..
no wonder i've been groaning and moaning to myself and HOW MUCH i did not want to know this. great. the perfect way to spend the winter of 2008...freezing on every conceivable level. oh yeah. Life is grand.

Remember Pyes dance of joy just a very short time ago? Well, it seems her exuberance was a few decibles too high and her nose is rather bruised from the friendship door being slammed in her face.

We are lying on the floor with the wind knocked out of us..feeling pretty squashed right now. groan. Not that we didn't learn some very important lessons, and have some very large doors reopened in our soul..but why does it always have to hurt so much? Now Pye remembers why she has been so reclusive for the past 12 years. sigh.
I guess I'm kind of in shock..it was all of it so sudden..one minute there...the next minute gone..and never did I even have time to grasp any of it, and I don't understand...
ours is not to reason why...i guess. snarf.
Now I gotta get all Major Winters again...and I hate Bastogne this time of year. I guess I should be happy for the burst of joy I felt, right? You just have to appreciate the moments that come..guess I'll feel that way later.
Pye out