Or are we building an indoor swimming pool in my living room?

It's not that I am depressed. Distressed...yes. A bit panicky even. I told you about my friend "Tim". So far he is doing alright. He has decided to work this problem out for himself. He's not having an easy time of it; but he is working. We have had some incredible conversations and for a child, and 19 years old is a child as far as I am concerned; this person has an awful lot of years under his belt. He has informed me that it was his choice to stop being a child at 12; that his parents had nothing to do with it. He was "bored". It was completely his choice to make the life altering decision to take drugs that could and would kill him. His parents, his school, his society had nothing to do with that. At 12 years old it was totally his responsibility that he took these steps and he is where he is.

While I admire his obstinancy to stand on his two feet - I don't buy it. I'm sorry, but what parent doesn't know for seven years that their child is on dangerous drugs? Especially when they live together. HELLO???? Is it me? I can feel the slightest nuance of mood in my daughter who lives 15 miles away. Is it a coincidence I call her when she's crying? Yet for seven years this boy says it's not his parents fault that they don't know what's going on his life. And I'm not saying it is. Fault is not the right word. There is no fault. No one is doing anything wrong. But nothing is being done right either. No one is doing wrong, they just aren't paying attention. Well I am. And he says he has to go through this alone because he's too mean. I guess I will have to be meaner. Cause I'm not leavin. I freakin have no idea what to do...but I'm not going anywhere until I know this kid is going to be alright. Right now I will keep his secret and let him proceed. But if he falters..and he can't do it, I'm prepared to go and knock on his dad's door. Maybe that's not the right thing to do, but I'd sure as hell want someone to knock on mine.

Then there is my girlfriend across the hall. A couple of days ago her mother called her saying she couldn't breathe and needed to go to hospital. GF laughed it off..this happens every couple of weeks, right? Yesterday they told friend she may have a few weeks left with her mother. A couple of hours ago she received a call saying she had better get to the hospital quickly. This girl's mother has been in and out of hospital for months..they give her antibiotics and oxygen and send her home. "Suddenly" there is a large mass growing around her windpipe....suddenly. How long is suddenly when no CAT has been done until now?

Other friend calls me crying; her 8 1/2 month pregnant daughter, who's first child my friend is already raising; decided yesterday she just had to get married TODAY and insisted her mom drop everything, including two important doctor appts., to attend her and her betrothed's joining in holy matrimony at the court house at 4:30 pm.; including the statement; "I will be very hurt if you don't come". My friend, who suffers from diabetes, heart disease, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, and a literal host of other syndromes and illnesses, was beside herself. Through sobs she said, "if I go I'm going to end up in the hospital; but if I don't go, my kids will never speak to me again." My reply to that one was, "Are you sure you want them to??" Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like her life would be a lot easier without all that! Am I just lucky that my kids are more inclined to help me than demand I drop everything to run and do things for them? And I don't even want them to! I do appreciate it of course..I wouldn't have this bam shazam computer if they didn't - but I don't expect them to. I would if I were homeless or something..but I hate the idea of them having to spend their youth and resources looking after me, especially if I'm capable of doing it myself. I am blessed though..my kids are terrific! My son just finished an extended trip in Egypt; which horrified him. He can't handle sacred places being sold like cotton candy at a carnival.

So anyway...that's the condition of the seas Pye has been swimming in these past few days. Rough waters...