He's a big kid...just graduated from high school. He's been filling out college applications in between his shifts at work. He's only 17 years old, so when he started feeling so tired as to not even want to get off the sofa two weeks ago, everyone just thought it was the flu or something. His visit to the doctor brought more suspicion in his fatigue and pale coloring than a virus however; and blood tests had my brother rushing Adam to a nearby urban hospital the very next day. Leukemia...my nephew has leukemia.

Five days later, the entire family is exhausted. We've run back and forth to the hospital, watching in horror as Adam is pumped full of blood, platlets, drugs and god knows what else. Unending test results, consults with doctors, more tests. The prognosis is good; matter of fact it's very good. But not until he has endured three years of medical treatment, which he must travel over an hour to and from each week from now until 2011. And I have to ask myself how this will impact on his education and his job...his social life, his band?

To see him laying there in a hospital bed, white as a ghost, grayed lips, writhing in agony...my insides ache and there is little I can do to help him except be strong and stand nearby. What I really want to do is stomp up and down the hallway raging! I want to grab someone and shake them and scream, "Who did this!? Who's fault is this that my young nephew is suffering? Who will pay for this, who's head will roll!" And I just want to tear things apart with my bare hands and make someone, some agency..some corporation, some president, some asshole responsible. But there is no one to hold accountable. It's just one of those things. People get sick. You can't stop it...you can't account for it...you can't find a logical reason for it, because there isn't one. So you're just left, dumbfounded. Someone you love very much is suffering and you can't make it stop. All you can do is watch. And the resulting emotion is overwhelming and there's nowhere to put it.

But my brother, Wayne, who is my youngest brother; that boy hasn't left Adam's side. He's camped out right next to his son's bed, man, and that's where he's been since Adam checked in. There have been times I've wondered about my brother. There've been times I've doubted my brother. But I've seen a man step up this week...I've seen a man be a father like a father should be. I've seen my brother be the kind of father I always wished I'd had...a dad who's THERE. Wayne may not always have the right answers. He may not always do the right thing..but when the call comes in, Wayne answers it. He tries. That's my definition of a good man. Good men raise good sons and I know Adam is going to grow up to be a good man because I know he's going to beat this leukemia. And his father will be there every step of the way with him. And so will the rest of his family...because we stick together, ragtaggled bunch that we are. Yeah, we have our problems..our differences; we know how to push each others' buttons. But when the manure hits the fan and the world starts to stink, I for one am going to be there with the people I've been dodging those cowpies with all along. Guess I can't imagine being anywhere else.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/cheese